Emotional Maturity - What is it?

 

Maturity is generally recognized as a combination of age and experience; however, emotional maturity is a different animal. “Emotional maturity is when you do not rely on others to fulfill your needs physically, emotionally, or spiritually,” says licensed clinical psychologist Dara Bushman, PsyD. Being emotionally mature is an important therapeutic goal and it is an important ingredient to living a happy and meaningful life.

But what does being emotionally mature mean? One of the founders of the Menninger Clinic in Houston, Texas, Dr. William C. Menninger, defines it as:

• The ability to deal constructively with reality
• The capacity to adapt to change
• A freedom from symptoms produced by tensions and anxieties
• The capacity to find more satisfaction in giving than receiving
• The capacity to relate to other people in a consistent manner with mutual satisfaction and helpfulness
• The capacity to direct one’s instinctive hostile energy into creative and constructive outlets
• The capacity to love

As you can see, emotional maturity is not a single trait, it is a set of characteristics that support and inform each other. People who have achieved emotional maturity take responsibility for their actions and responses to others or to situations and are able to show empathy towards others. They own the mistakes they make instead of blaming someone or something else. They are vulnerable and recognize the needs of others, not just their own. Emotionally mature people are able to express their emotions appropriately at any given moment. They learned to let go of shame and are able to observe others with respect and an absence of judgment. They treat others as they would like to be treated, living their life with integrity and honesty.

Being mindful during difficult situations or discussions can give us clues as to what triggers our emotional reactions. We can take steps to change the unhelpful habits of how we have always reacted or behaved. Let your therapist help you find new ways to cope when feeling difficult emotions.